He told me they were just razor bumps!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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