I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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