last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
