Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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