so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
