I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
