I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
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Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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