we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
