Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
