Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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