If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize