Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Congratulations! We have a period
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
