I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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