apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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