I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
