He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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