On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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