I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
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I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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