Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
