So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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