So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
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I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
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I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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