she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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