Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
