Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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