Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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