while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
