...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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