Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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