my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
