just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize