please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
