babies were throwing up all over the place
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
