Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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