Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
