the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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