Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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