wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize