I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
