I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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