your thong is hanging out like whoa
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
