I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.