Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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