listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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