He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
