I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i out mim tonsoeep
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