im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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