If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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