He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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