put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
