ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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