Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
