I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
