Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
