Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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