I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
