So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
