There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
