So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You should frame my arrest warrant.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
